My Insecurities, My Fear, and My Choice

My fear has been surfacing quite often lately. Not in intense form, or mood state. Not like anxiety or nerves. Just in subtle, soft stage.

I recognize it when the thought comes into my head, “What if . . .” and most often that is associated with what others will think of me. “What if so and so finds out I use essential oils?” . . . “What if people read that new book that portrays granola women as crazy and they associate it with me?” . . . “What if a certain person sees my kids eat candy after I’ve already asked said person to not give my kids sugar?” There’s a long list of these what if’s.

PROBLEM: I am aware of the fear that is surfacing within me.

I guess the good thing about it is that I’m catching myself before it gets too far. But I’m tired of stopping myself multiple times a day when I recognize these thoughts coming.

One of the questions to ask when you sense fear is “What action needs to be taken?” (This comes from the book The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren. Read more about that here.) So if I ask myself this regarding these fearful thoughts, then my answer comes. It is that I need to have more faith in myself, in the path that I’m on, and that I’m being led on. But that’s a hard thing. That’s asking me to stop second-guessing myself and to put more faith in my abilities to receive guidance and direction from God. It’s asking me to trust that I have enough worth that Heavenly Father would want to spend some time on me. It’s asking me to trust that I am not a nobody, and that I have a story as brilliant and beautiful as Jonah or Alma or the brother of Jared. Well, that’s a hard thing to ask.

I want to believe that I am not destined to a mundane, perfunctory life. I know my calling as a mother is great. And I take it very seriously. But what would happen if I actually increased my faith in how God sees me? What if I stretched myself to trust that He really is guiding me? What could I become then?

My action plan: every time I hear another fear question, I will stop and choose the path of faith. I will rephrase that question to say, “I have faith that God wants me to live this way.” Or “I trust that God loves me and guides me.”

SOLUTION: Every time I sense that fear, I need to take action to confirm I am doing what I’m supposed to.

Even as I type it now, I feel the peace inside while my heart races and the other side rages. They are not happy with my decision to fight this battle. I guess that’s a good sign.

I will continue on then.

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